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How to Get Published

A common mistake among intellectuals is the preposterous assumption that all it takes to get published is writing something interesting. Nothing could be more wrong: if Sir Thomas Wyatt submitted his most acclaimed work to a magazine today, the editor would trash it immediately mumbling 'Who gives a fuck about who stalks the chamber of this loon?' Your chance of seeing your cherished poems in print, and of not paying for this rare pleasure (not to mention making a few Euro out of the deal) depends (strictly, in this order) on :

  1. your biography
  2. the current trend on literary themes
  3. your technique
  4. your talent

Factor four is practically negligible compared to the other three, and it is included only in order to cheer you up and appear somewhat less cynical. This said, we may jump right to the main point of this dissertation, which is that anybody can get published: all it takes is following the instructions of this guide step by step. In case you wonder why the Present Author doesn't do it, well, he still has a conscience. The fact that he knows how the infernal machine of the modern literary world works doesn't mean he endorses it. It might be different with you: if you got to the point of reading this, you are either one of His personal acquaintances (hi!) or so desperate for recognition that you won't stop at anything.

The first three points above shall be treated separately, as the issues they raise are very different; this site does not, of course, purport to teach you how to have talent: after all, this is the Internet, where you never find the stuff that really matters.


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